Debunking Self-Care Myths: Real Wellness Beyond Pampering
Photo credit Ashlyn Ciara, Unsplash
The Real Work of Self-Care
Self-care is a buzzword we hear alot, but its true meaning often gets lost. Somewhere along the way, it has morphed into a glossy, over-the-top idea tied to indulgence. Picture scented candles, bubble baths, and photo-ready yoga poses. Sure, those things are nice, but they’re not the full story. Real self-care isn’t about escaping; it’s about building something sustainable, providing strenght and resiliency.
It’s easy to overlook the importance of taking care of yourself, especially when life feels like it’s pulling you in a hundred directions. Add to this having a loved one who is struggling, and the priority for care drops to the bottom of the to-do list. But the truth is, self-care isn’t a bonus—it’s the glue holding everything together. If we want to rethink it and make it meaningful, we need to start by breaking down the myths that hold us back.
The Lie of Luxury
Let’s start with the big one: self-care is not a luxury. Like it’s something you can only do when you’ve got free time or extra energy. But life doesn’t work that way. The hard days are when you need care the most.
Self-care isn’t about waiting for the perfect moment or having extra resources to spend. It’s about figuring out what keeps you steady, especially when life feels chaotic. That might be a short walk, listening to music, or turning your phone off for a bit. These aren’t grand gestures, but they add up. It’s not about “treating yourself,'“ it’s about making sure you are supported while trying to handle everything else life may throw your way.
The Fear of Selfishness
Then there’s guilt—the idea that taking time for yourself is selfish. This one hits hard, especially for parents when their children are needing extra care and support. Maybe it feels like focusing on yourself means you’re letting someone else down, but here’s the truth: You can’t give what you don’t have.
If you’re burned out, impatient, or just plain done, how much are you helping anyone else? Self-care isn’t about putting yourself above others; it’s about making sure you can show up for them. When you’re taking care of yourself, you’re more grounded, clearer-headed, and better equipped to deal with everything else. It’s not selfish—it’s smart.
The Myth of “Perfect Timing”
Another recurring myth is that self-care only makes sense when life is calm. It’s like something extra you can return to later when things settle down. But let’s be real—when is life as a parent ever completely calm?
The truth is that self-care is for the messy moments. It doesn’t need to be perfect or Instagram-worthy. It’s not about finding a magical period to escape your problems; it’s about doing what you can in the middle of them. Maybe that’s pausing for a few deep breaths, stepping away from an argument to clear your head, or holding firm to boundaries. Self-care isn’t about fixing everything. It’s about keeping yourself steady enough to handle what’s next.
The Bigger Picture
Self-care isn’t just about you, either. There is a bigger ripple effect. When you take care of yourself, it impacts how you show up for everyone else around you. Think about it—if you’re running on empty, that energy spreads. But if you’re grounded, calm, and caring for yourself, that spreads, too.
This matters even more when the stakes are high. In families, friendships, or even work dynamics, the way you handle your well-being influences the environment around you. Self-care is personal, yes, but it’s also part of a larger picture where your actions set the tone for others.
Redefining What It Means to Care
Self-care isn’t about aesthetics or extravagance, and it’s not something you earn after a hard day. It’s about doing the small things that keep you going, even when everything feels like it’s too much. It’s knowing when to take a step back, when to ask for help, and when to give yourself the space to breathe.
Forget the myths. Self-care doesn’t have to look like anything specific. It just has to work for you. Whether life is calm or chaotic, it’s not a luxury or a selfish act—it’s how you stay standing.
At the end of the day, self-care is a reminder to show up for yourself. And when you do that, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re making life a little more manageable for everyone who depends on you, too.
Take Mini Breaks – Even 5 minutes of quiet with a cup of tea or deep breaths can reset your mind.
Move Your Body – A quick walk, stretching, or dancing to a favorite song can boost your mood.
Set a Phone-Free Zone – Create small screen-free moments, like during meals or before bed, to disconnect and recharge.
Ask for Help – Accepting support from a friend, partner, or family member—even for small things—can lighten the load.
Practice Gratitude – Jot down one thing you’re grateful for each day to shift focus toward the positive.
Breathe Deeply – Try a simple breathing exercise (inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four) to calm stress.
Get Fresh Air – Step outside, even for a few minutes, to clear your mind and get a change of scenery.
Stay Hydrated – Keep a water bottle nearby and make sure you’re drinking enough throughout the day.
Enjoy a Small Treat – Savor a piece of chocolate, a cozy blanket, or a few pages of a book just for you.
Go Easy on Yourself – Give yourself the same kindness you’d give a friend; perfection isn’t the goal, presence is.
Resource:
The University of Michigan’s Eisenberg Family Depression Center offers a page titled “Self Help Strategies and Complementary Therapies,” which outlines a wide range of self-help techniques and how to engage in them on one’s own. There are videos embedded throughout that offer insight on meditation, mindfulness, and reframing negative self-talk as well.
Talley Webb, M.A., CRMC
Journey to Better, LLC
